I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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