I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
