Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
