I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
