It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize