When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
