I could make wine with my vomit
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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