Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
