i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
