I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
