We need to rekindle our bromance
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
