just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Randomize
