I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
