i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
