Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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