i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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