She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
