It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
