His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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