Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
