This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
