I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
