she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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