I need help removing her.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
