But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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