She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
