I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
