we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
