She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
