420 ftw
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
well you can't waste a boner
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
