I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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