She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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