forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
