I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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