last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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