Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
