hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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