I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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