Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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