He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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