i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
