All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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