You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize