I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So many bounce houses so little time
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
