i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
