Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
