On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
