i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
