It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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