I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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