My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
