I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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