I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
