Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
