i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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