i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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