She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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