it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
