The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize