Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
