Soap is not a condiment
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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