I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
