as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
