I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
