Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sext me about skeletons
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
