i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
