I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
