I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
