you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
