babies were throwing up all over the place
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
