Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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