Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
