Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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