Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
