There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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