my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
