i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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