there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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