remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize