My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the liver wants what the liver wants
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
