The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
