SEEEEXXX PLEASE
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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