Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
