garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
