Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
