She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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