i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
