i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
True college students do jello shots in the library
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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