woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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