that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
