so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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