If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
