I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
