also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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