New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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