The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
