My cat gives me a boner
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
