Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
