Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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