pedialite and red bull = repair kit
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
